My Self-Intelligence Cycle

                              I have this cycle. I just decided to call it the self-intelligence cycle.

The self-intelligence cycle revolves mostly around my life at school.

A good example of it is my Spanish class. In order to get participation points, you have to raise your hand and say an answer. It doesn't matter if the answer is right or wrong, you will still get participation points. 

I have a high participation grade in my Spanish class, if you call a 98% a good participation score. When I raise my hand, and get a question right, inside my head at first, I am thinking, "You just got lucky. Watch yourself!" Then I take "another risk" & raises my hand again. I get the question right again. Then I get a question right a third time. Inside, I am thinking "I feel so smart right now!" 

The next day, I come to Spanish class! Chance to get some more participation points! If I did superwell yesterday, I bet I can do better today! I raise my hand. I get called on. I get the question wrong. Inside my head, I am thinking, "Uh...it's okay! No one noticed!" I raise my hand a second time. I get a question wrong again! Inside, I think, "Minor mistake, don't raise your hand if you don't know something!" I get it wrong a third time. Then a fourth. By the fifth time, I am thinking, "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF?!?!? EVERYONE IS JUDGING YOU RIGHT NOW THINKING, 'OMIGAWD THAT GIRL IS STUPIDER THAN A ROCK. I BET SHE'S THE STUPIDEST GIRL IN THIS WHOLE CLASSROOM! DOES SHE KNOW HOW STUPID SHE IS?!? SHE IS SO DUMB THAT I BET SHE IS GOING TO DROP OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL AND HAVE A CARREER AS A SPANISH-SPEAKING WAITRESS FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! SO STAY QUIET! NO MORE PARTICIPATION POINTS FOR YOU!" So I stay quiet. I feel like the stupidest person alive. It's quite depressing when you see everyone getting all the questions right but you. 

And so, the cycle continues. I really hate how I put all this pressure on myself that I must get everything right. I hate how I am so hard on myself and I always put myself down whenever I get something wrong. I wish I could accept that the following quotes:

Does this relate to you?