The day i let go
Today in church, i was in the coffee and tea room, making some tea. I grabbed some blueberry green tea, then some truvia sugar.
As I went to fill up my teacup with hot water, my mind trailed off, thinking mainly about the rigorous amount of schoolwork i have to do, the competition of the music world, and how terrible of a job i did at acolyting today.
The more my mind trailed off, the more i forgot about what i was doing, which was filling up my teacup with boiling hot water. Once i regained focus, it was too late. My teacup had already overflowed, and once it reached contact with my left hand, i let go of it. The teacup spilled, the blueberry-green tea bag fell to the floor. I staggered back.
"Are you okay?"
I didn't look back. The person that asked the question quickly turned the faucet off.
I recognized her.
"Did you burn yourself?"
I looked at my hand, it didn't really hurt. I didn't really feel any pain at all. I shook my head because for some reason, i lost the ability to actually say something.
I really didn't know the answer to that question. Suddenly, i just let go. my voice started to crack up. I felt tears running down my face. I couldn't hold my feelings in.
"Here let's go to a separate room."
The lady led me to a room by the church bathrooms. It was a very small room. We sat down, and she handed me a box of tissues.
"What's the matter?"
It took me a while to find the direct answer inside of my head. Then i found it.
"Life. There is just so much going on right now. End of year finals are coming and you can't get a second chance on those. I just hate how at school everyone seems to act the same. Everyone hides behind some fake identity, and when there is someone out there who is actually different (not as in handicap different), but as in their personality is different, everyone shuns them and finds some way indirectly put them down. I also hate that how in Every class, if you get a question wrong, everyone starts thinking that you are the dumbest person alive. In spanish class, you get participation points by answering a question out loud and you still get the participation points, even if you get the answer to the question wrong, but when you get a question wrong, everyone starts judging you and thinking that you have the IQ of a pop tart. And just the competition with the violin and viola. I don't have my own viola, and it's just embarrassing! My friend's parents just buy them their own violins and violas, and i had to buy my own violin-"
My voice staggered and i burst again. It took me a minute to find my voice again. But the lady waited very patiently, as if we had all of the time in the world.
"My parents didn't help me at all! I had to buy everything myself! I had to spend one thousand two hundred dollars on a hunk of wood! Now i have to do it again! All i have is a crap viola from school. My friends have their own crap violins and violas and their own nice violins and violas! They don't have to work at all to get what they want and look at me!"
I just exploded.
"Have you heard of the saying, 'you remind me of myself'?"
I shook my head.
"The reason i am bringing this up is because you remind me of myself when i was in high school. I went to a high school in boston. It seemed as if everyone wanted you to be perfect, athletic, and smart. But i just had to realize i didn't have to be all of that. My stepson, he got a C in biology and he has always wanted to be an engineer. Ever since he was 8 years old. Although he still had a C in biology, he was accepted into the nc state engineering school, which is one of the best in the country. He didn't have to get all A's in order to get into that school! It seems as if thr music world is mostly your life, am i right?"
I nodded.
I'm kind of short on time. To wrap things up, i found out that the lady's name was Kate. She decided (with my approval) to let me talk to my mom about how i have been feeling. My mom found a way to dodge over the whole viola thing, which really ticked me off using the same stupid excuse, "we can't just spend that much money!" I hated my mom for that. But i guessed this helped even things out a bit.
Thanks For your concern, Kate.
As I went to fill up my teacup with hot water, my mind trailed off, thinking mainly about the rigorous amount of schoolwork i have to do, the competition of the music world, and how terrible of a job i did at acolyting today.
The more my mind trailed off, the more i forgot about what i was doing, which was filling up my teacup with boiling hot water. Once i regained focus, it was too late. My teacup had already overflowed, and once it reached contact with my left hand, i let go of it. The teacup spilled, the blueberry-green tea bag fell to the floor. I staggered back.
"Are you okay?"
I didn't look back. The person that asked the question quickly turned the faucet off.
I recognized her.
"Did you burn yourself?"
I looked at my hand, it didn't really hurt. I didn't really feel any pain at all. I shook my head because for some reason, i lost the ability to actually say something.
I really didn't know the answer to that question. Suddenly, i just let go. my voice started to crack up. I felt tears running down my face. I couldn't hold my feelings in.
"Here let's go to a separate room."
The lady led me to a room by the church bathrooms. It was a very small room. We sat down, and she handed me a box of tissues.
"What's the matter?"
It took me a while to find the direct answer inside of my head. Then i found it.
"Life. There is just so much going on right now. End of year finals are coming and you can't get a second chance on those. I just hate how at school everyone seems to act the same. Everyone hides behind some fake identity, and when there is someone out there who is actually different (not as in handicap different), but as in their personality is different, everyone shuns them and finds some way indirectly put them down. I also hate that how in Every class, if you get a question wrong, everyone starts thinking that you are the dumbest person alive. In spanish class, you get participation points by answering a question out loud and you still get the participation points, even if you get the answer to the question wrong, but when you get a question wrong, everyone starts judging you and thinking that you have the IQ of a pop tart. And just the competition with the violin and viola. I don't have my own viola, and it's just embarrassing! My friend's parents just buy them their own violins and violas, and i had to buy my own violin-"
My voice staggered and i burst again. It took me a minute to find my voice again. But the lady waited very patiently, as if we had all of the time in the world.
"My parents didn't help me at all! I had to buy everything myself! I had to spend one thousand two hundred dollars on a hunk of wood! Now i have to do it again! All i have is a crap viola from school. My friends have their own crap violins and violas and their own nice violins and violas! They don't have to work at all to get what they want and look at me!"
I just exploded.
"Have you heard of the saying, 'you remind me of myself'?"
I shook my head.
"The reason i am bringing this up is because you remind me of myself when i was in high school. I went to a high school in boston. It seemed as if everyone wanted you to be perfect, athletic, and smart. But i just had to realize i didn't have to be all of that. My stepson, he got a C in biology and he has always wanted to be an engineer. Ever since he was 8 years old. Although he still had a C in biology, he was accepted into the nc state engineering school, which is one of the best in the country. He didn't have to get all A's in order to get into that school! It seems as if thr music world is mostly your life, am i right?"
I nodded.
I'm kind of short on time. To wrap things up, i found out that the lady's name was Kate. She decided (with my approval) to let me talk to my mom about how i have been feeling. My mom found a way to dodge over the whole viola thing, which really ticked me off using the same stupid excuse, "we can't just spend that much money!" I hated my mom for that. But i guessed this helped even things out a bit.
Thanks For your concern, Kate.
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